How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
