Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
As shirtless as possible
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
