does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
