it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
