He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
