we're blogging at a bar
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
