He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
