i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
