Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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