At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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