I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
