I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
