He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
