is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
