OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize