I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
