I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You're like the curious george of whores
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
