im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
