I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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