there's paper in my vomit.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
