I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well I just put wine in my tea
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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