Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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