Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
