Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
