You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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