The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
