No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
