You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
