i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
