I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
