that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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