And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
