I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
