So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am one with the molecules
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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