I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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