that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
