my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
