I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
