It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
