im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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