I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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