Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Congratulations! We have a period
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