dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
