Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
