I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
