I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
