Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
