Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
