so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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