Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
even my farts smell like vagina
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
