i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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