I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
