the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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