He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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