Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
