I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
