It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
