just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
