i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
