anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
