mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
