walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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