Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
