lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
