apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
