It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
