does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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