Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
