elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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