Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
