Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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