so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
