he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Never underestimate the power of titties
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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