I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
