come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
