I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
